Well, I meant to post this earlier, but my appointment was postponed until Dec 22. Bummer! I am ready to get in there and see this baby so it will be more real to me. I know that sounds silly, but I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I think I feel that way for a lot of reasons. First, after what I went through with Chloe, I knew I didn't want to get pregnant for a while. I spent two years making sure I couldn't get pregnant. Second, Chloe is our little princess and I don't think I can imagine what another child of ours would be like! Also, I am still wondering why I am crazy enough to do this again! Really though, last time was sweet ignorance. Sure, I knew that bad things can happen during pregnancy. But the chances are so slim, it wasn't going to happen to me. I am now much more aware of all the many things that can go wrong, and of women who have been through much more than myself.
I am not going to lie. I am always going to be sad that what I dreamed to be one of the most joyful days of my life turned out to be one of the most terrifying. I will always be sad that I didn't leave the hospital with my Chloe. Leaving her there was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I will always be sad that I didn't get to experience labor. I will always be sad that for the first 6 months of Chloe's life I felt scared for my own life. For the first time my body had failed me and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. It is still hard to see a mother leave the hospital holding their baby. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for every healthy pregnancy, I just wish I could have felt that.
But...would I change any of it??? No way! My sweet Chloe was meant to come into this world 2 months early. Her being born early changed us in ways we would never have known if she would have been a normal delivery. She taught us to cherish every sweet moment that you have with your baby. I realized that things could have gone another way, and she might not even be with us. I soaked in all that this new life offered. Her baby smell, the softness of her skin, holding her tiny body close to mine every chance I got, her squeaky little cry, and yes even changing her diaper. When we finally brought her home I was so thankful our family was complete...all in one place. I am now still cherishing every moment I have with this girl. I love every stage. She will never, never, be the way she is today again...our silly little toddler. Every day is something new, and she has left something old behind.
I am so excited to have all these experiences with our new little one someday. I pray that their arrival is smoother than Chloe's of course. But God already knows what will happen, and he knows we can handle it. Whatever happens, I look forward to it more than I might have if it weren't for all the things Ms. Chloe taught us the day she came 2 months too soon. :)
I am not going to lie. I am always going to be sad that what I dreamed to be one of the most joyful days of my life turned out to be one of the most terrifying. I will always be sad that I didn't leave the hospital with my Chloe. Leaving her there was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I will always be sad that I didn't get to experience labor. I will always be sad that for the first 6 months of Chloe's life I felt scared for my own life. For the first time my body had failed me and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. It is still hard to see a mother leave the hospital holding their baby. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for every healthy pregnancy, I just wish I could have felt that.
But...would I change any of it??? No way! My sweet Chloe was meant to come into this world 2 months early. Her being born early changed us in ways we would never have known if she would have been a normal delivery. She taught us to cherish every sweet moment that you have with your baby. I realized that things could have gone another way, and she might not even be with us. I soaked in all that this new life offered. Her baby smell, the softness of her skin, holding her tiny body close to mine every chance I got, her squeaky little cry, and yes even changing her diaper. When we finally brought her home I was so thankful our family was complete...all in one place. I am now still cherishing every moment I have with this girl. I love every stage. She will never, never, be the way she is today again...our silly little toddler. Every day is something new, and she has left something old behind.
I am so excited to have all these experiences with our new little one someday. I pray that their arrival is smoother than Chloe's of course. But God already knows what will happen, and he knows we can handle it. Whatever happens, I look forward to it more than I might have if it weren't for all the things Ms. Chloe taught us the day she came 2 months too soon. :)
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