Good first appointment!

Well, finally got to see the doctor! Seemed like a long wait. We got an ultrasound first thing which was great because we got to see the baby. Heart rate was 171, and growth was right on at 8 weeks 3 days. It is a cute little blob if I do say so myself.

After that we got to meet with the doctor. He was very patient and answered all of our questions...we had a lot! Here is a summary of what we talked about:

*No blood thinner injections for me! He reassured me that he didn't think I would need them since I have 2 of the more mild blood clotting disorders. He did say I would start them after delivery though which made me feel better.

*Everything looks good so far and it looks like the odds are in my favor to have a close to normal pregnancy. He said the chance of preeclampsia happening again is about 25% but it should be more mild if it does occur.

*I have to have another c section and it will be scheduled at 38 weeks if everything is looking good.

*I will go to the doctor like a normal pregnancy until about 20 weeks, then I will start going more frequently than normal.

*He is going to have me see a specialist within the month just to make sure she doesn't suggest anything different.

I feel comfortable that this doctor is going to take good care of me during this pregnancy. His wife actually had what I did, which makes me feel good that he has been there personally. Yay! So thankful for a good doctor!

On the fun side we have decided to nickname this baby "tot" until we know the sex. We like Tot for several reasons...1) because I have been kind of craving tater tots, 2) Chloe likes the little tater tot toys that came in the wacky pack meal at sonic, and 3) the baby is about the size of a tot right now!

Chloe's nickname was "Izoo" which was a combination of the boy and girl names we had picked out...strange I know. I don't know how we come up with these things. I just can't have a life inside of me, a member of the family, without a name!

Pretty sure I won't post over this Christmas weekend. I hope everyone has a Merry and Blessed Christmas!!!

"So I will celebrate the day that You were born to die, so I could one day pray for You to save my life" -Relient K

Ugh...Getting Impatient!

Well, I meant to post this earlier, but my appointment was postponed until Dec 22. Bummer! I am ready to get in there and see this baby so it will be more real to me. I know that sounds silly, but I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I think I feel that way for a lot of reasons. First, after what I went through with Chloe, I knew I didn't want to get pregnant for a while. I spent two years making sure I couldn't get pregnant. Second, Chloe is our little princess and I don't think I can imagine what another child of ours would be like! Also, I am still wondering why I am crazy enough to do this again! Really though, last time was sweet ignorance. Sure, I knew that bad things can happen during pregnancy. But the chances are so slim, it wasn't going to happen to me. I am now much more aware of all the many things that can go wrong, and of women who have been through much more than myself.

I am not going to lie. I am always going to be sad that what I dreamed to be one of the most joyful days of my life turned out to be one of the most terrifying. I will always be sad that I didn't leave the hospital with my Chloe. Leaving her there was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I will always be sad that I didn't get to experience labor. I will always be sad that for the first 6 months of Chloe's life I felt scared for my own life. For the first time my body had failed me and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. It is still hard to see a mother leave the hospital holding their baby. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for every healthy pregnancy, I just wish I could have felt that.

But...would I change any of it??? No way! My sweet Chloe was meant to come into this world 2 months early. Her being born early changed us in ways we would never have known if she would have been a normal delivery. She taught us to cherish every sweet moment that you have with your baby. I realized that things could have gone another way, and she might not even be with us. I soaked in all that this new life offered. Her baby smell, the softness of her skin, holding her tiny body close to mine every chance I got, her squeaky little cry, and yes even changing her diaper. When we finally brought her home I was so thankful our family was complete...all in one place. I am now still cherishing every moment I have with this girl. I love every stage. She will never, never, be the way she is today again...our silly little toddler. Every day is something new, and she has left something old behind.

I am so excited to have all these experiences with our new little one someday. I pray that their arrival is smoother than Chloe's of course. But God already knows what will happen, and he knows we can handle it. Whatever happens, I look forward to it more than I might have if it weren't for all the things Ms. Chloe taught us the day she came 2 months too soon. :)

Still Prego!

Chloe and Daddy being silly under her bed

Chloe in her Big Sister shirt on Thanksgiving (she didn't want to take a picture)

Well, so far so good. We have known about being pregnant for a week and a half now, and so far nothing has changed. No big symptoms yet. Haven't even been feeling tired. I am going to cross my fingers that I keep feeling good. I felt great when I was pregnant with Chloe (up until the end). I do have an increased risk of miscarriage with my blood clotting disorders, so I will be glad to make it out of the 1st trimester.

We told our family about the pregnancy over Thanksgiving. We had Chloe wear a "big sis" shirt. It took a while for some to catch on, but eventually everyone did, and they were very excited. It is especially big news since I have two sisters-in-law pregnant in Kevin's family! We are due May, June, and August. It will be an exciting year in 2010! Lots of babies :)

Could you please lift up a prayer for us?
-Pray that I would not be anxious and enjoy this pregnancy without being consumed with worry
-Pray that I will remain healthy (no rise in blood pressure)
-Pray that baby will be healthy
-Pray for wisdom for the doctors
-Pray that God be glorified through this new life!

We have our first doctors appointment on December 14th. We will be getting an ultrasound first, then meeting with the doctor. I am excited to see our little baby (even if it looks like a blob).

Wow! Positive Surprise :)

Well, I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted. The main reason was because I was trying to keep my mind off the whole baby thing. It seems like a long two weeks when you are waiting to find out. Well, today we found out...PREGNANT! Even though I suspected it a little, I was still surprised. Although, the line was faint, so I will be confirming with another test possibly tomorrow. We told Chloe there is a baby in mommy's tummy. As of right now she says she wants a sister. She will probably change her mind daily. I am very excited, and at the same time trying not to be anxious. I know God will be there with us ever step of the way, just like last time. I am just nervous...I'm only human! I pray that I learn to trust God more every day through this journey. The planner in me is already kicking in! Silly, there's not much we can do right now. It does make me want to really work on that potty training thing though. Hmmmm.... Anyway, all I know right now is that the due date would be August 1st. We plan on telling our families over Thanksgiving. We are going to put Chloe in a "Big Sister" shirt and just wait for them to notice. We put up our Christmas stuff tonight. Hard to believe that (Lord-willing) there will be two sweet babies in this house next year. With Thanksgiving coming up, we truly do have so much to be thankful for!

New to me!

Okay, so I am totally new to this blogging thing. I have recently stumbled on the world of blogging through mom's on the Preeclampsia Forums. It is so interesting to learn that there are a lot of people just like you who are struggling with the same things you are. I first turned to the Preeclampsia forums after the delivery of my first child. I found comfort and answers to the many questions running through my head. If you are unfamiliar with what Preeclampsia is you should check out their site www.preeclampsia.org.

I thought it might be therapeutic to me to blog about my feelings in this pregnancy. We are not pregnant yet. We have recently decided to start trying again. We always wanted our kids close together, but after a difficult first delivery we decided to wait a while. It took quite a while for my body to recover, not to mention my emotions.

This will be the first month that we are officially trying to get pregnant. I am already nervous just thinking about it. That is why I though it would be helpful to blog. That way when I am anxious, I can just get it out there!

So anyway, to really understand what I am so nervous about I guess I need to tell the story of what happened with my first pregnancy with my precious little daughter Chloe. Here we go...

After being married for almost 2 years we decided we were ready to start a family. We expected it to take a while but to our amazement we were pregnant that first month! We were so excited! The pregnancy was like any other, very uneventful at first. I didn't even have the typical morning sickness. I loved being pregnant. Especially when I started to feel Chloe's little kicks. I would sit there during the day and just watch my belly roll. I would laugh then my belly would bounce...loved it! At every doctor's visit I was told that everything looked great. Nothing out of the ordinary. Starting at about 29 weeks people started commenting on how swollen I looked. I guess I didn't notice much since it probably developed slowly. I mentioned it to the doctor and she assured me it was normal. With that, we decided it would be nice to take a little vacation before Chloe got here. So we headed to Branson since it would be low-key and not too far away.

That weekend I really started not feeling well. I dismissed it thinking that the pregnancy was just catching up with me. It was kind of strange because when I would look at the pictures on our camera I just looked awful and swollen, but again I dismissed it as normal pregnancy stuff. I had a constant headache that whole weekend, and I barely urinated at all. I knew something was up but since I had a doctor's appointment coming up soon I decided I would address it there.

We had a great time, but I was definitely glad to be home and to sleep in my own bed. We got home on a Sunday night. Monday morning I woke up with the absolute worst headache I have ever had. My hearing was fading in and out with my heart beat. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. Something was terribly wrong. I remember reading about Preeclampsia in my pregnancy book. I woke Kevin up and told him to go borrow his parents blood pressure cuff. It was the only thing I could think of. He thought I was over reacting but agreed. When we finally took my blood pressure it was 184/108, that is HIGH! With those numbers I didn't wait, I told Kevin to get me to the hospital. He was so cute...as I was getting ready he started making me eggs. I said thanks, but no thanks, we have to go!

I prayed the whole way to the hospital. It was a 45 minute drive which felt like eternity. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I prayed that God would let both me and Chloe live. At 32 weeks I knew she could survive, I just wasn't sure what my high blood pressure was doing to her. At the hospital they got me hooked up to all the monitors and started doing blood work. The next evening the doctor came in and confirmed what I already knew, I had preeclampsia. the only cure is to deliver the baby. The protein in my urine was over 10,000 and should only be 150! And with my BP so high things weren't looking good. They had to transfer me because that NICU could not handle a 32 weeker.

Long story short Chloe started to show signs of distress and I had to deliver by emergency c-section. That was the scariest moment of my life even though I was loopy from the meds. When they pulled her out she was not breathing. It felt like FOREVER until we finally heard her cry. She was intubated and rushed to the NICU. I got to kiss her sweet soft forehead before she left. That would be the last time I would see her for the next couple of days.

Since they told me delivering the baby was the cure for preeclampsia I was hopeful I would begin to feel better. Not the case! I got much worse before I got better. I had gained around 30 pounds of water weight and looked awful. My heart was beating hard all the time. I could barely walk with all the extra fluid and blood pressure problems. I never would have guessed at that time how long it would take for me to feel normal again.

When the doctor finally thought I was well enough to visit Chloe I was nervous! I wondered what she would look like. My belly ached in her absence. She was supposed to be in there for 2 more months, and she was gone. I felt like I had let her down. I was supposed to protect her, and somehow I was not able to do my job. How could I face her? When I finally saw her my heart was filled with joy and sorrow at the same time. She was so tiny and so beautiful, but was she going to be okay? She was only 3 pounds.

Those next few weeks and months were difficult to say the least. She stayed in the NICU for 35 days. My blood pressure was still high and would frequently spike when I went to see her, or did anything but lay there for that matter! I felt like I couldn't do anything or my BP would go up. It was a very emotional journey.

After 7 months on BP meds my blood pressure finally came down. The doctor's said if it didn't go down by 6 weeks out it probably never would. By God's grace it did! It still took a long time for me to feel normal though. A couple months after Chloe turned one a finally started feeling like my old self. And now at two years I think I am ready to try again.

Because I has such severe Preeclampsia my doctor wanted to test me for a blood clotting disorder. Turns out I have two of them, which is what caused my PE. Thankfully, since finding this out I should have a much better outcome the second time around. I will take aspirin and folic acid and possibly blood thinner injections depending on how aggressive my doctor wants to be. That doesn't sound like too much fun, but whatever it takes for a good outcome. I will be monitored very closely the whole time. I just hope I can stay sane. I don't want to freak out at every little thing, thinking that something tragic is going to happen.

So I look forward to the future and hope and pray for a wonderful pregnancy and delivery. My ultimate goal is to bring my baby home with me when I leave the hospital. It breaks your heart to leave a child behind. I just praise the Lord that everything turned out as well as it did. Chloe is now a happy and healthy two year old, and I have a clean bill of health!